Naluri8 min read

Someone I know is suicidal. How do I talk to them?

World Suicide Prevention Day 2024’s theme of “Changing the Narrative” encourages the movement beyond reducing stigma and silence often associated with suicide, and instead, fostering open, supportive conversations.

Many Naluri members ask our health coaches: “What do I say?”, “How can I talk to a suicidal person who has isolated themselves?”, or “What can I say or do to encourage them to seek help?”.

Having these conversations and knowing how to talk to a suicidal person isn’t easy, and many find it difficult to know where to start.

If someone you know is showing signs of suicidal tendencies and you’d like to know how to speak and what to say to a suicidal person effectively and supportively, we’ve got you covered.

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Why talking about suicide is important

Before we share our top conversation tips, it’s crucial to understand the importance of suicide prevention.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), more than 700,000 people die due to suicide every year globally. In Southeast Asia, Malaysia has reported a 10% increase in suicide cases in 2023 as compared to 2022; Indonesia’s suicide cases also increased from 2021 to 2022 from 613 to 826 suicide cases; Thailand’s suicide rate increased from 6.64 per 100,000 people in 2019 to 7.97 per 100,000 people in 2022. Against this backdrop, it’s becoming increasingly clear that suicide prevention in Southeast Asia is important more than ever.

While healthcare professionals and mental health crisis services play vital roles in supporting those with suicidal tendencies, we all have an important part to play in suicidal prevention - starting and having conversations about suicide. Here are a few reasons why having these conversations matter:

Breaking the stigma: Talking about suicide openly is a powerful way to reduce the stigma that surrounds it. Many people are afraid to seek help because they fear being judged or shamed. By having open conversations about suicide, we break down these barriers and create a safe space where individuals feel comfortable sharing their struggles.

Providing emotional support: Knowing that someone genuinely cares about their wellbeing can significantly reduce the immediate risk of suicide, making them feel less isolated and more understood. This is why understanding what to say to a suicidal person is crucial.

Identifying warning signs: Talking about suicide can help you identify warning signs and risk factors that might otherwise go unnoticed, such as hopelessness, withdrawal from social activities, or drastic changes in behaviour. By recognising these signs early, interventions can be conducted and necessary support provided before it’s too late.

Encouraging professional help: Conversations about suicide can also include guiding someone towards available resources and support, such as carelines, therapists, and support groups. Knowing where to turn for help can make all the difference in getting the appropriate help.
Strengthening relationships and trust: Studies found that when people feel they can talk about their thoughts without fear of judgment or dismissal, it strengthens trust and deepens relationships. This trust provides a safety net for someone who might otherwise not access support and makes them more likely to reach out for help in the future.

How to talk to a suicidal person

Preparing for the conversation

Before having the conversation, it’s important to know how to approach the topic effectively and supportively. Here’s how to talk to someone who has suicidal thoughts effectively:

Educating yourself: Understanding the warning signs, such as what to look for and how to respond, can make all the difference. Common warning signs include talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless, withdrawing from others, and experiencing extreme mood swings. For more information, here’s what you need to know about suicide.
Setting the environment: Find a quiet, private place where you won't be interrupted, and ensure you have enough time to talk without feeling rushed. Having the right environment can make the person feel more comfortable and willing to open up. For example, you or the other person may feel more comfortable having the conversation in a peaceful park instead of in their bedroom.
Preparing yourself mentally and emotionally: Being mentally and emotionally prepared will help you handle the conversation sensitively and supportively. It's okay to feel nervous, but remember to approach the conversation with empathy and openness. Take a few deep breaths beforehand and remind yourself that your main goal is to listen and support. We’ve prepared an audio guide on releasing anxiety to help you relax and release any anxiety before or after your conversation.

Starting the conversation

Now that you have prepared yourself to have the conversation, it’s important to know what to say and what not to say to a suicidal person. Remember, the key is to keep yourself calm and remind yourself that the goal is to listen and support them.

Expressing concern: Let them know that their wellbeing is important to you. Phrases such as "Your wellbeing is important to me - I’m here to listen and support you" reassure them that they are not alone and that you genuinely care about their feelings and situation.

Asking direct questions: Although it may feel uncomfortable, asking someone if they feel suicidal or are planning to end their life is important. Speaking openly about suicide decreases the likelihood of the person acting on their feelings as it shows that you care and are not afraid to discuss difficult topics.

If you’re not sure what direct questions to ask, here are a few examples:

"I've noticed you seem really down lately, and I'm worried about you. Can we talk about what's been going on?"

"You mentioned feeling hopeless the other day. I care about you and want to understand more about how you're feeling."

Responding during the conversation

It’s also important to be mindful of what to say to a suicidal person when responding to them during the conversation:

Listening actively: Active listening means being fully present and focused on what they are saying without planning your response while they speak. Allowing them to finish their thoughts without interruption shows respect and care. This includes nodding, maintaining eye contact, and reflecting on what they say to help them feel heard, such as "it sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed right now".

Showing empathy and understanding: Express empathy by showing that you understand their feelings without judgment. Phrases such as "That sounds really hard" or "I’m so sorry you’re going through this" can validate their experience and make them feel less alone and more understood.

Asking open-ended questions: Encouraging someone to express themselves fully is key to understanding their feelings and experiences. Asking open-ended questions invites a deeper, more meaningful conversation and shows that you are genuinely interested in their wellbeing, such as "What can I do to support you right now?" and "When did you start feeling like this?".

Avoiding giving harmful responses: Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we might unintentionally cause more hurt. Try to avoid minimising their feelings, offering quick fixes, or making assumptions. Statements such as "It’s not that bad" or "Just think positive" can be dismissive and unhelpful. Instead, give them the time to express themselves fully and listen without interrupting.

Being patient: Often, people may not feel safe or ready to share their thoughts and feelings. It’s crucial not to force them into a conversation they’re uncomfortable with, as this can lead to them feeling uneasy and losing trust. Instead, regularly check in and spend time together, even in silence. You can keep the door open with something like, “It seems like you’re not ready to share anything. That’s okay; I’m here whenever you’re ready.” This reassures them that their feelings are respected and creates a supportive space for when they’re ready to open up.

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Offering support

Once you’ve taken the time to listen and understand their feelings, offering support is important and your ongoing involvement can profoundly impact their journey towards recovery. Here’s how you can provide meaningful and effective support:

Providing resources: When someone is in distress, finding the available resources can feel overwhelming. Your guidance in directing them to and providing information about support services can not only be incredibly reassuring but also help them feel supported and empower them to take the next step towards recovery.

For more comprehensive information on these resources, you can refer to the Naluri Suicide Awareness and Prevention Resources Pack. This includes details on helplines, text lines, and support services that are available around the clock.

Encouraging professional help: Seeking professional help can be a critical step in recovery for many individuals. At Naluri, we pride ourselves on providing professional mental health support, such as:

Providing continuous support: Offer ongoing support and stay in touch after the initial conversation, such as regular check-ins to help them feel valued and supported. Let them know you are there for them, not just in this moment, but as they navigate their way through their struggles.

Taking care of yourself

Supporting someone who is struggling with suicidal ideation is a deeply compassionate and vital act, but it can also be emotionally taxing. It’s essential to recognise that while you are providing crucial support to them, you must also take care of your wellbeing.

By taking care of yourself, you ensure that you can continue to be there for them in a healthy and sustainable way. For more detailed guidance on self-care, including practical strategies and theoretical insights, read our article on Orem's Self-Care Deficit Theory.

Conclusion

Talking about suicide with someone with suicidal ideation may be daunting, but it's an act of profound compassion that can truly save lives. This World Suicide Prevention Day, let's embrace the theme "Changing the Narrative" by breaking down the barriers of silence and stigma and starting these difficult conversations.

Remember, the goal of these conversations is not to provide all the answers but to offer a listening ear, a compassionate heart, and practical support. By learning how to talk to a suicidal person, you can play a vital role in their journey towards healing.

If you or someone you know has suicidal ideation or is at risk for depression, anxiety or stress, our team of Naluri Mental Health Coaches are available to chat with on the Naluri App and Web, and for 1-on-1 consultation sessions. For more urgent support, our round-the-clock care lines and text lines are available in various languages and are free for all.